I hate job hunting and wish I didn’t need the money!

Hate, loathe and abhor are all words I would use to describe the way I feel about job hunting.

I don’t always have bad luck with the recruitment process, actually if the truth be told, there have been times when changing jobs has been relatively painless. Times when for example, I thought I got on really well with the people interviewing me. At other times I remember being asked questions pertinent to the job at hand. On yet another occasion I recall, signing a contract within days, and feeling proud of myself ¬†sitting at my new shiny desk. But these Disney scenarios are the exception.

I’m now 35. It’s crystal clear that the older I get, the more apparent it is. Job hunting is convoluted, tedious and stressful.

Here is the infernal list of the things that bug me the most:

1. No ideal jobs

Let’s get this out of the way first. It’s not exactly like there is great demand for “Bikini Model Massagers” but even in my own field (IT) I am finding it harder to find work that is creative enough to satisfy me. I would like to think I’m not the exception here to the rule, it seems as a species we have created so much tedium, that most of us, the ones that aren’t solidified zombies yet, really really need to go out on Friday and get horribly slaughtered. I mean what kid when asked what do you want to be in your life one day says “Office Clerk” or “Data Capturer” ?

It’s not like most people have an option to quit the day job in favor of – Oh I don’t know, going to work on an oil rig. Not everyone has a knack for business, and a great deal of us are not self employed.

2. Outdated ADS

I can’t count how many jobs I’ve seen listed that are from last year. Job portals most likely leave these on to fluff up the results a bit. Come on get rid of them.

3. Low pay

IT used to be a highly paid respectable field to work in. Well that was before certain countries started selling themselves out as labour economies. Working for 3 or 4 times less with a smile on their face – I’m looking at you India and Pakistan! Work from home? How about ODesk, sure if you don’t mind working for a bowl of rice a day! ¬†Since I’ve recently been in Dubai, I’ve seen programming jobs going for 3000 AED a month. The cheapest rent I could find here is more than that. I would like to ask you furries how are you surviving? Are you living in the sewers and is Shredder charging you rent?

4. Dipshit agents

You know when an agent has a job they’re trying to place and if they’re good at their job. It is simple – they don’t ask you irrelevant questions, and you feel they are on your side. With these guys soon you might get hired.

As for the rest, they’re time wasters.

5. The what are you currently earning question

Almost like there is a link that if you are earning x now, your next job shouldn’t be too much higher than that. This question is entirely redundant when you’re moving to a new country where the economies are incomparable that won’t stop them asking you that question.

6. What is your desired salary?

Here you ideally want to always give them a higher figure than what you are willing to take. Never act like a church mouse. But ideally it should be the employer who offers the job and says this is the salary. I don’t get this backwards logic?

7. The 3 interviews process

One interview should be more than enough. Who you typically meet? Your direct manager, the HR Manager, and the CEO or Department Manager. In my experience the HR manager and CEO meeting should be combined. Your direct manager interview is the important one. I’ve had interviews with the CEO where he thought it was a good idea to sit and talk about himself for 2 hours, and in the end I didn’t get the job anyways. Grrr…..

8. The suit and tie thing

No I am not suggesting you rock up to an interview with a Metallica T-Shirt on but I mean smart casual should do the trick if that is what you are going to wear on a regular basis anyways.

Let me be clear, I wear suits when I interview, or someone dies or has a wedding.

9. Waiting

Mostly the waiting is just due to pure incompetence. I’ve seen it many times when resources are planned before a project starts, then the project dies during the interview process. With smaller companies who have questionable budgets, they didn’t do their maths correctly, yet still decide to keep you on a string incase something improves.

Generally I would like to know if I got the job or not within days of interviewing. Weeks and months are not acceptable.

And that is that! I think I’ll be finding one job now and keep it for at least the next 5 years.